


How To Survive In A Horror Movie

by johanna2601



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-05
Updated: 2014-02-05
Packaged: 2018-01-11 07:42:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1170469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johanna2601/pseuds/johanna2601
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Travis and Connor Stoll get bored and make a guide of How to survive in a horror movie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How To Survive In A Horror Movie

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Any mistakes you found here, sorry! I´m Portuguese and I just translate this one shot from Portuguese, just to know if I could do it. Once again, sorry for any mistake you found. I hope you like it!

Travis: Hey!  
Connor: Hey!  
Travis: You must wonder…  
Connor: …. How there´s always someone that can survive in the end of a movie  
Travis: We don´t know  
Connor: But we have a complete guide to survive in  
Both: HORROR MOVIE!  
Travis: Here some rules….

1\. When it looks like you kill the killer, don´t check if he´s really dead  
2\. If you are a good dog, you have 50% of chance to survive. God dogs just die if they try to help their master… it´s better stay quietly in your corner  
3\. If you are a bad dog, you will die in the end of the movie  
4\. If you are a cat, hide and pray for the monsters not found you  
5\. If you find dead people walking around along the living, just kill yourself  
6\. If you find out that your house was built upon a cemetery or a church where happened crazy things like satanic rites and necrophilia or collective suicides; don´t try to understand the story, go away immediately  
7\. If your house has a basement, don´t go down, principally if there’s no light   
8\. When with friends, never get out alone to get something in the fridge and say: “I´ll get back”. You´ll never see your friends again  
9\. If your friends start to show weird habits like fascination (and adoration) for blood, exposed fractures, the smell of dead bodies and injuries, try to stay away from them as fast as possible  
10\. In your kitchen, never let knives and other biting objects at reach  
11\. If you´re woman, never take long baths  
12\. If you´re the one who likes work out, be careful! The tough guy is always one of the first victims, just like the first woman to strip  
13\. If the machines start working alone, move house  
14\. Don´t pick up or lend something that belonged to a dead person  
15\. If you´re running from the killer, fall at least twice  
16\. Never get in in a room without see behind the door. It´s there or in the closet that the danger is  
17\. If your children start talking in Latin or other strange language or with a deep voice that doesn´t belong to them, don´t think twice: shoot to kill. You´ll be safe from a lot of things, but is good to be ready, because kill it it´s not going to be easy  
18\. Never go visiting a cemetery after midnight and if you go, don´t stand next, in front, or behind a tomb  
19\. Never read out loud books about possession or other satanic books, even if it is a joke  
20\. If you hear a weird noise and find just a cat, run immediately. This advice will keep you alive  
21\. During the night, don´t listen recordings with violins and cellos as instrumental base  
22\. If you travel and find a city apparently deserted, get out immediately  
23\. Stay away from certain geographical localizations such as: Transylvania, Elm Street, Amityville, Woodsboro, Crystal Lake, Nil bog (God help you if you know this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any little city in Maine  
24\. In every new city, try to believe in every local myth and belief   
25\. If you have problems with your car in road, don´t go look for a phone. If you´re near an old mansion or a castle in a mountain, don´t go find shelter: stay in the car  
26\. Stay away from weird guys who been working with an hacksaw, axes, rifles, mowers, harpoons, sharp knives,… even in real life  
27\. If you are using a gun to fight the monster, find another way to protect yourself, because ammunitions always finish when the monster is close!  
28\. Don´t open a locked door if you heard strange noises on the other side   
29\. Don´t enter in a dark room  
30\. If you´re a man, get out as fast as possible, because just women survive  
31\. Never take a bath alone at home  
32\. If you´re woman, never show your breasts  
33\. Ask why are selling the house so cheap  
34\. If the phone line is dead and you´re hearing footsteps in the stairs, don´t follow the “guest”. RUN IMMEDIATELY!  
35\. Never pick up the phone to call for help. Probably, the next thing you´ll see is the killer cut your head off   
36\. If you defeat the killer, pay attention to the camera, if she starts to go back without a motive, RUN!  
37\. You dog can take care of itself  
38\. Your wife too  
39\. And your children  
40\. And your mother-in-law  
41\. If you´re not the main character, the painless way is suicide  
42\. Your plan to kill the killer always have every possibility. Except the one who happened  
43\. Don´t try to be smart. It just going to help you get kill  
44\. When you knock out the killer with your gun, shoot every bullet in his head  
45\. Don´t go to summer camps  
46\. Don´t feel guilty  
47\. If you throw away something yours, like a doll and etc., and find it in your car/house, move to another country. Of course it will be there waiting for you  
48\. If you have to run away, take a bus, because the monster is in the backseat of your car. And they´ll destroy any plane or ship you take  
49\. If you´re a kid, don´t get in panic! Monsters just attack teenagers and at the most, you could be possessed, so calm down!  
50\. Remember you can buy another dog  
51\. If you´re certain that you kill the monster, shoot him in the head, burn him, eat him, vomit him and throw the vomit in the sea. And wait for the next Halloween…  
52\. If you´re running away from a monster and find a friend who asks: ”What´s going on?”, don´t try to explain, keep running  
53\. Whatever you do, don´t sleep  
54\. Don´t try to bring things from dreams  
55\. If you start having nightmares and if they became true, kill yourself, because you can´t cheat death…  
56\. If you and your friends begin having the same dreams/nightmares, be careful… they can became true  
57\. Don´t sleep in the bathtub  
58\. Follow every rules above


End file.
